How to Let Someone Go with Clarity, Respect, and Confidence
Letting someone go is one of the toughest parts of being a leader.
It’s uncomfortable, emotional, and something most of us want to avoid. But avoiding it doesn’t solve the problem—it makes it worse.
In startups, where small teams work toward big goals, every person matters. When someone isn’t the right fit, the ripple effects are immediate: progress slows, relationships strain, and the team starts to lose trust in your leadership.
I’ve been there. As a former Chief People Officer and an executive coach, I’ve guided countless leaders through this exact challenge. Every time, I’ve seen the same thing: the hardest part isn’t the conversation itself—it’s the weeks (or months) of wrestling with the decision.
Here’s the good news: you can handle these moments with confidence and grace. When you do, you strengthen your team, your culture, and your credibility as a leader.
Why Waiting Undermines Your Leadership
When an underperforming employee stays too long, it doesn’t just affect them—it affects your entire team.
Even if no one says it out loud, they notice. And they start asking themselves:
Why is poor performance being tolerated?
Does my leader even see what’s happening?
Do they lack the skill—or will—to address this head-on?
These questions don’t just linger—they erode trust in you as a leader.
The cost of inaction isn’t abstract—I’ve seen it play out time and again.
What Happens When Leaders Wait Too Long
A client once shared her frustration: a coworker wasn’t pulling their weight. Everyone saw it. She was left picking up the slack, and resentment was building. Worse, she was convinced her leader was oblivious—or didn’t care.
But she knew this leader was capable. So I asked:
“What if your leader is already working on it—but behind the scenes?”
Decisions like this often take longer than they should—because giving someone a real chance to improve takes time: actionable feedback, performance support, and coaching don’t happen overnight.
But here’s the problem: every extra day of inaction erodes trust and leaves the team feeling unsupported.
Months later, the underperformer was finally let go. But by waiting too long, the leader unintentionally damaged trust. My client, a top performer, nearly walked away—not because of the work, but because she felt unseen and unsupported. Leaders often don’t realize that delays in action can cost them their best people.
The lesson?
1️⃣ Leaders often wrestle with these decisions longer than they should. Thoughtful doesn’t have to mean slow.
2️⃣ Even when you can’t share details, perception matters. Silence breeds assumptions. And without communication, your team’s first thought isn’t “my leader is being careful.” It’s “my leader is weak, blind, or lazy.”
👉 And remember: delaying the decision doesn’t just hurt your team—it hurts the individual too.
When someone stays in the wrong role, it erodes their confidence, stalls their growth, and keeps them from finding a position where they can thrive. What feels like kindness may actually be holding them back.
In the end, waiting too long serves no one—not the team, not the individual, and certainly not you.
The Pitfalls to Avoid
Once the decision is made, how you deliver the news matters just as much as the timing.
Here are three common mistakes—and how to avoid them:
1️⃣ Making it about you
“This is so hard for me” shifts focus from the person impacted. This moment isn’t about your discomfort.
2️⃣ Rehashing every misstep
Listing every failure feels punitive. The decision is made—piling on only diminishes their dignity and makes you look small.
3️⃣ Deflecting responsibility
“This wasn’t my decision; it came from above” doesn’t absolve you—it undermines your authority. Own the choice. Leaders who pass blame lose credibility fast.
A 3-Step Framework for Letting Someone Go With Confidence
Letting someone go is never easy—but it doesn’t have to be messy.
My proven 3-step framework ensures you approach these moments with clarity, respect, and accountability:
➡️ Step 1: Be Clear and Decisive
Start with clarity. Avoid small talk or softening the message—it creates confusion. Deliver the decision directly and calmly.
➡️ Step 2: Provide the Rationale—Calmly and Respectfully
People need to understand why, but too much detail can create confusion or unnecessary hurt. Share the simplest, most direct reason that respects their dignity—whether it's unmet expectations or a business decision. Keep it clear and concise.
➡️ Step 3: Outline What Happens Next
Provide clarity on next steps. In uncertain moments, structure creates stability.
This approach ensures that even in the toughest conversations, you maintain trust, respect, and integrity.
Why Courageous Leadership Matters
Letting someone go isn’t just about ending a role—it’s about treating someone with dignity while reflecting on your own leadership:
Was the role clearly defined?
Were expectations communicated?
If you could rewind, what would you do differently?
When you let someone go with clarity, compassion, and accountability, you’re not just doing right by that individual—you’re showing your team what integrity looks like in action.
Take the Next Step
Navigating tough conversations defines great leadership.
Let’s work together to ensure you have the tools, confidence, and clarity to lead with integrity.
A focused 90-Minute Strategy Session may be all you need to move forward with clarity and confidence.
